Something My Dad Taught Me.....

So my Dad passed over 20 years ago at way to young an age...61.  I was 25 and barely started making my way in the world.  (I had a late start, LOL).

He taught me a whole bunch of things and he didn't even realize it.  That was my fault as I never took the time to tell him.

Anyway, one thing I've learned that as a parent we do the best we can to raise our kids right.  Recently I was talking with a guy at work who has a 4 yr old.... and I came to a realization.

Now it may seem obvious to some but I guess it all comes down to perspective.  We want to raise our kids to be productive citizens...to be good people....to treat others with respect...to mind their manners and their mouths.

We are also teaching them how to be a parent.

That can mean to be like us or to not be like us.  Hopefully they learn from our mistakes. 

I have to stop myself sometimes from holding my kids too accountable....going overboard with accountability doesn't do any good.  I have that tendency as my folks didn't really hold me accountable for the knucklehead stuff I did.

There are times when I want to "lecture" them....but I stop myself.  I would rather talk to them as young adults and teach them.

At the end of the day all I can do is hope that did the best I could.  Some days I can "yes I did", other days not so much.

Every day I wake up I thank God for letting me do so, and ask for the strength and wisdom I need to do the best I can for them.

What kind of parent are you raising tour kids to be?

"Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones....

But words will never hurt me."  This was something I heard all the time growing up.  Not so much today. 

Today we have people that declare a need for "safe spaces" because they may be triggered by something they hear, words. 

Words have tremendous power, no doubt about it.  In politics, religion, in arguments, in debates, in relationships...in everything we do.

A police officer's words can escalate or deescalate a situation.  A politician's words can get them elected or derail a career.  A spouse's words can save or end a marriage.  A friend's words can strengthen or end a 20 year friendship.  A teacher's word can inspire students or bring them down.  A coach's words can motivate a team to victory or ensure defeat.

Words really only have the power that we as individuals give them.  If someone verbally insults me it may bother me for a minute...literally for only a minute.  I am not going to allow them to rent space in my head.

It is nice to hear good things about ourselves from other people.  It will bring a smile to anyone's face or make their day. 

It sucks to hear negative things, for sure.  I don't know one person who likes to hear bad things said about them.

But it is up to us to give those words, negative or positive, power over us.

Something to ponder.....what defines you as a leader?

Frequently we hear about leadership, whether it be at work, on the news, in school, on the court or the field, wherever.  The context is often one of the following...what does it take to be a good leader? What attributes do good or great leaders exhibit?  Or how do good/great leaders motivate others?  

You can go to any bookstore, brick and mortar or online, and find hundreds of books on the topic. Just google the word "leadership" and you get 480,000,000 hits in .40 seconds.  Derek Jeter just retired and that adjective  of being a "leader" was thrown out there countless times.  It's probably why his nickname was the "Captain".  But really, how are you supposed to filter out all the crap?

And who are these people really?  Entrepreneurs and self made millionaires who tell you "If I can do it, so can you!"?  Or someone of a certain political or social affiliation that thinks just because they believe it's true than it has to be?  Is it someone who thought that just because something worked once that it is the greatest thing since sliced bread?  Who knows...

Please do not misunderstand me.  There are many fine people in the world who are great leaders and are able to effectively wax poetically on the subject.  I have found that those I can relate to are the ones I am more inclined to listen to and take their advice.  There are others that I have to scratch my head ask "WTH?"  While I am no expert on the subject and I am most certainly not the sharpest spoon in the drawer, I do have a certain level of experience as a leader and perhaps you can relate to me.  

As a Senior Chief in the Navy leadership is a constant everyday.  As a Dad leadership is a constant everyday.  I believe that these two roles are what define me as a leader.  On a daily basis Sailors look to me for guidance and mentorship, as do my children.  With Sailors it is more of a conscious thought and effort to engage me in dialogue.  With my kids, well it's because I'm their Dad and it's my job.

I have found many similarities between leading junior Sailors and raising (i.e. leading) my kids.  Both feel as though they have some sort of entitlement in life.  Don't get me wrong, my kids are great kids but I feel as though it is a societal issue right now.  Both constantly feel the need to ask "why" and then pout when they don't get the answer they want.  Both will push me and try me just to see what my reaction is and how much they can get away with.  Both like to say "that's not fair!"

Both make me proud on a regular basis.  Both often go the extra mile to complete a job or homework assignment.  Both show great heart and spirit when dealing with their contemporaries.  Both say thank you and mind their military bearing or manners (respectively).  Both are learning their place in this world in which we live, work and play.

I do my best not to screw them up too badly.  I try to actively listen to them and understand where they are in their thought process; trying to determine what the intent is behind the dialogue.  When asked for an opinion I am straightforward and occasionally blunt.  With Sailors and kids, giving them bad gouge is no bueno.  Attempting to understand a junior Sailor or my kids, even though I was both, is mind-numbing at times.  :)

In any given conversation I strive to give them the most valuable information I can.  I'll give them analogies, I'll tell them of my own experiences and past, I'll try to relate it to current events, I'll tell them stories...I'll try anything I can to get through to them the best I can.  And then hope they make the right decision...the right decision for them, not for me.

Everyday I struggle with being just a little bit better at being a leader than I was the day before; for both my Sailors and my kids.  Everyday I pray to God for strength, wisdom and courage to guide my words; in order to have the biggest, most positive impact I can so they can make the right decision, now a later.  

My Sailors and my kids define me as a leader, what defines you?

It's been awhile....

Soooo...it's been quite a while since I've posted anything...well over a year actually.  My original intention was to use this as a forum to help build my real estate business.  Unfortunately real life, in the form of the Navy, got in the way.  I have been mobilized to active duty for about 18 months and loving every minute of it.

I figured that since I have this blog I might as well use it.  There is no plan or idea of what exactly is going to be posted.  It will be on things that interest me or tick me off or make me happy.  It may or not be political in nature.  It may offend someone or more than one person or even a whole group of people.

The grammar may not be correct and spelling errors might be present.  I am in no way perfect when it comes to writing and I may not even be good at it but I don't really care.  It's my blog and I'll write how I want about what I want.  Feedback is always welcome and encouraged...as long as it is constructive and not denigrating.

How Much Home Can I Really Afford?

Whether you are buying your first home or another home...take the time to figure out how much home you can really afford.

Are you thinking about about buying a new home?  2013 is a great time to make a move in the Hampton Roads  real estate market. Interest rates are at historic lows. If you research and compare today's 30-year fixed-rate average of between 3 and 4 percent to the mid to upper teens of the 80's you'll see why everyone is excited about the great deals to be had!

Right now homes are now at their most affordable on record. Across the nation, and in Hampton Roads, home values have dropped. Additionally, there is also a supply of distressed properties on the market which can sell for steep discounts.

With all these awesome deals, it's easy to get excited and perhaps even get carried away.  Keep in mind the lessons learned by millions of homeowners...buy within your means. Just because you're approved for a certain amount does not mean a) you should spend that much or b) you can really afford that much.

So, how much home can you really afford? Think about the following questions:

How much do you make per month? If your pay fluctuates (i.e. such as commission work), it's critical to consider both high and low income months.  If you make a steady paycheck (i.e. a salaried job), it is simple to calculate, review your paystubs.

How much is your monthly debt? Look at your reoccurring monthly cost of car payments, credit cards, student loans, child support, alimony, and other debts that must be paid each month.

Job market...Is your job secure?Today's job market is a little shaky.  Could you still make your mortgage payment if you lost your job?   

How much does it cost you to live each month? This will be different than your monthly debt. These are the extra expenses we all have...these include utilities (gas/electric/cable), internet and cell phone, gas, groceries, entertainment, shopping, any travel, etc.

Longevity...How long are you staying? Homes do not, and will not, appreciate as they did in the last decade.  In order to build equity you need to commit to staying for at least five years (or plan on keeping the property and leasing it).  

How much money do you have in savings? In an ideal world, your lender would like for you to put at least 20% down, in addition to any closing costs.  Do you have $60,000 to put down on a $300,000 home?  If you don't, you will have to obtain Private Mortgage Insurance (PMI).  This will add to your monthly payment.

Your best bet is to find a good mortgage officer to help.  They are the experts...they can help you figure out the correct amount you can afford.  Give me a call at 757.754.3107 or email me at homes@duncanmacleod.info and I'll be glad to point you in the right direction.

What I want to be when I grow up...

So, my daughter is in the process of looking at colleges and deciding where she wants to apply. I've asked her the question, "What do you want to be?" a number of times.

There has always been the expectation that she (and her brothers) will go to, and graduate, college right after high school. Where can you get these days without at least a Bachelors degree? A lack of one has caused me to hit a glass ceiling.

But is it truly the right advice to harp on getting a degree? Or should I emphasize the idea of finding out what she loves to do and then find a way to make career at that?

While it is true that a degree is often necessary, is it the only way to have a successful career? What's wrong with going to a vo-tech school (or equivalent) to get certified in a trade?

There will always be a need for HVAC technicians, car mechanics, plumbers, electricians, hair dressers, etc. I think that as a society we often push the idea that in order to be considered a success (or rich) that you have to have a degree and a white collar job.

I hope that she decides to go to a good college (with a great football team! Lol) and loves it. I hope that she chooses a career path that she will enjoy and excel at. I hope that she is happy. Not sure I can ask for much more than that.

As for me? I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. ;) For now though, I'll settle for being a good father and husband, a good Chief and a successful real estate professional.

Sea Shore reaches another milestone...

I've seen and experienced Sea Shore Realty's tremendous growth over the last eight years.  It started in a little, itty-bitty office on the 2nd floor.  There was barely enough room for a desk and a copier.  My broker actually had a space cut out of the roof so she could have an "office."

in 2013, this phenomenal company has already ranked in the top 10% in sales for real estate brokerages in the Hampton Roads area...the only non-national franchise brokerage to do so.  

Sea Shore Realty has reached another milestone...we are moving from our current location on London Bridge Road (home for the last 8 years) to the corner of General Booth Blvd and Gunn Hall Dr.

Our contact info remains the same as does our top notch service.  When you have a chance, stop by to say "Hi" and check out the new office.